Date When?
I have a question for all of you. Why do you date? Whether you are 13, 16, 18, or 21; I feel that you should have a good reason to want to date. And do you know what it is? You should be looking to get married. I can only imagine the looks on your faces, and the extreme laughter that sentence may have just caused. But really, on a serious note. I have have some good reasons.
If you decide to date and you don’t have that goal of marriage in the end, then you are going to feel as if the only way to get closer to the person you are with is through physical intimacy. You will get to a point where you feel like you want to be as close to that person as possible, and the only thing that you will find to give you that satisfaction may be physical. This is a very, very, very big problem. With physical intimacy comes a lot of confusion, and the possibility of STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.
I have a couple recommendations…
- Don’t date if you don’t plan on getting married.
- Don’t date if you are not in a position where you can get married.
Some of you are probably once again laughing, but just consider this. If you choose to avoid dating until you know you are ready for marriage, then you are going to avoid a lot of heartbreak and confusion. If you date and you are not ready for marriage it is like catching a fish and not wanting to eat it.
I hope that you take this and listen to it. If you are serious about having healthy relationships then you should really consider this advice. Good luck!
August 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I don’t believe in marriage. Does this mean I should never have sex? Should I get married just so I can have sex then just get divorced? What if I want children? Am I not allowed to consider being a parent without ever wanting to get married?
August 18th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
@ Esperanza:
Esperanza, sorry this post has troubled you. I am not sure if I have the best answer, or even the answer you would want to hear, but let me give it a try. I understand your concern for not wanting to end up in a divorce,I come from a family where my parents got divorced, and I didn’t appreciate it too much. But how do you find it more assuring not be married? I would assume that if you want to have children someday, you would enjoy having the other parent there to help you out, right? So what is it that guarantees that the person will stick around if you decide not to get married?
August 19th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
At this time in my life I am focusing on school and finding out what I want to do with my life. At this point I am not thinking about marriage, and I may never want to. I appreciated this message because when people around me ask why I never date anyone I always say that I find no reason to date someone without hoping that it will lead to marriage. Most people look at me like I’m crazy, but why would I want to spend time and effort on a person I don’t plan on staying with. I never got why people just date to date, I guess mostly it is a sexual thing, so I guess what I’m saying is I don’t get why people who plan on abstaining till marriage just date to date. Even my conservative grandmother thought I was being ridiculous when I said I would never date anyone I wasn’t considering to marry one day.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:12 am
@ Jillian:
That is awesome Jillian. Sometimes it does feel like no one out there holds this same perspective on dating, and quite frankly not many people do. I enjoy how you mentioned how your conservative grandmother even thought you were being ridiculous. But you are right on. I think most people do date because of the sexual side of it, and if you are a person who doesn’t plan on participating sexual until marriage, if you get married, then it really may not make much sense if any to date until you are ready to try to aim towards marriage.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
“So what is it that guarantees that the person will stick around if you decide not to get married?”
Well that’s just silly. I’m of the belief that someone who truly loves you will “stick around” even in the absence of a legally binding document.
November 12th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I suggest reading, “The Case for Marriage” by Linda J. Waite & Maggie Gallagher. It’s really an eye opener. The following is from the book and may help:
“Because we view marriage as an inner emotion rather than an outer reality, we have a hard time conceiving that the state of being married, in and of itself, could enhance people’s lives. Marriage is a piece of paper-a marker perhaps for things that matter, such as more money or better education, but in and of itself neutral in its effects. So for many years, family scholars tried to pierce the veil of marital status to uncover the “true” explanations for why married people, & children raised by married parents, seemed so much better off & why, in particular, children raised outside of marriage faced so many additional burdens & struggles. We’ll try to unlock the secret mechanism at work in the marital vow, to show you how & why marriage itself makes a difference”.