How to Connect Before you Communicate with your Teens
Are you one of the many parents who do not like talking about sensitive topics like sex with your kids? Most kids are yearning to hear from their parents on such topics. This write up hopes to make your job easier in this regard.
In order to communicate effectively on sensitive topics such as sex, alcohol and drugs, parents, mentors and educators must explore different ways of connecting before communicating with Generation Y, ie children born from 1981 upwards, otherwise known as Millenials or Mosaic Generation. Studies have shown that Generation Y children perceive life very differently from Baby Boomers or Generation X. Thus, to communicate effectively with Gen Y, you must first attempt to find common ground to build trust or bridges before you can communicate effectively with them. The 7 approaches of building bridges outlined here will enable you to break the ice to connect with them, before you can share information on sensitive topics.
Bridge # 1 Build Trust
Research has shown that although Gen Y kids are very tolerant to different views, they tend to trust information from their parents more than anybody else, including teachers. This is an amazing opportunity for parents and mentors to explore and help their kids make sound decisions about issues like relationships, drugs and alcohol.
One of the ways parents can build this bridge of trust is by asking open-ended questions. For example, you can ask your son, ‘Why do you like hanging out with Kenny?’ Beyond that question, try to listen carefully to understand their fears and motivations, without interrupting them. That shows to them that you respect of their opinions.
Bridge #2 Reach Out
You can also connect with your teenagers of Mosaic Generation by getting them to be involved with you in hands-on activities like cooking, painting or moving stuff around the garage. By doing it together with them, you are giving them the message that ‘we are pals and we are getting along very well.’ During the course of that activity, you can segue an idea on a sensitive topic like sex. At that point, they are more likely to listen because their walls of defense are down.
Bridge #3 Interact Online
Most parents do not cherish seeing their kids on the Internet for long hours. Not withstanding this, the Internet has both positives and negatives and it a great tool for parents to use to teach and communicate on a host of issues. An average Generation Y kid spends over 3 hours per day facing screens like computer screens, MTV, or using online networks like Myspace or Facebook. That is probably why some people call them ‘screenagers’. If a parent gets to learn the workings of such social networks like Myspace, it will be relatively easier to connect with them and communicate important values on difficult topics such as online pornography or online child predators.
Bridge #4 Dive with Them
If your teenager or child likes swimming as a recreational activity, that is a good avenue to connect with them by going for diving or swimming together. During the course of diving or swimming together, you can slip in a new idea like the importance of dressing appropriately in public places. Because you are both having fun, it will not be misconstrued as a sort of criticism.
Bridge #5 Go Games Together
Most young people and teenagers have a favorite game or team that they love to talk about. If you invest time in knowing about their favorite teams, players or games, you can easily connect and communicate with them through a conversation on that topic. By doing so, they believe that you care about their interests. This one area where we need to give credit to ‘soccer moms’ for often hanging out and running errands for their children during games.
Bridge #6 Excite Them
Teenagers do not like people who are boring. If you are boring, you will not hold their attention for too long. That is why Disneyland has been so successful for years. Young people and particularly Gen. Y kids love magic. They are fascinated by pace, mystery, colors and heroes. They love adrenaline-filled activities. You can tap into such adrenaline activities to communicate on sensitive subjects because such activities connect you emotionally with them. You can work magic with them through activities like dancing, drumming, singing and so on. In the course of the dancing, you can ask what do you think of Britney Spears? Based on their answer, you can provide some sound words of wisdom as a parent.
Bridge #7 Storytelling
Storytelling is a very powerful tool for connecting and communicating on tough issues with your teenagers or ‘screenagers’. You can use personal anecdotes or biblical stories. Personal stories tend to be very powerful and engaging because they want to know how my mom or dad coped with bullies at school. You are their natural heroes.
You can tell a story about you and your spouse and the lessons you have learned together overcoming alcohol and how you do not wish your children to suffer as you did. It is OK to let them know that you have not been perfect. When children know how far you have come on your journey, they will respect you even more.
Gideon F. For-mukwai, CEM, CRF
